Too Busy Making a Living
Did I used to be an interesting person? Or was I always this boring?
After giving up almost a year of my life working from 7:00 am until 8:30 or 9:00 p.m. each day, I am not quite sure what I ever did for ‘fun’ before. Free-time became a foreign concept and I feel guilty taking a second away from scouring the ‘help-wanted’ online boards or Monster.com.
The good news is the crying randomly in public has stopped for the most part. Now it just happens when people start talking about money or doing something fun that could potentially cost money, or anything in the future. Honestly, what I’ve found most helpful is finding humor in my situation. Like, how I thought it was okay to spend $8 each day on a venti macchiato frappe non-fat soy latte because although my managers were trigger happy with everyone else, I was surely safe since I was the golden child whom everyone loved! No one would ever think twice about firing me! Oh, sweet naive child. How much I wish I could throw that piping hot caramel macchiato in your face to wake you up from that high school daydream.
Today I called my leasing agent to determine my options regarding my apartment. I have two months left on my lease and there’s apparently a two-month penalty if I break my lease. So, I’m not going to break it and continue to pay it until the lease runs out. How the heck I’m going to pay it when all my savings went to increasing Starbucks’ stock value, I have no idea.
Each morning I have grandeur ideas of waking up early and going for a nice run around the neighborhood to clear my mind like I did during bar prep. Realistically, I know it would be very beneficial. Exercise releases endorphins, endorphins make you less depressed. Nonetheless, the depression wins. Eh, it’s not the depression, it’s how the bed just seems to wrap it’s soft, cloud-like arms around me and refuses to release me from its grip. I’m a prisoner to its warm embrace… at least until after 10 am.
The resumes are churning out. Yet, I’m still discovering me again. Who did I used to be before I gave up my soul to the legal sweat shop I just escaped? If I’m happy about this release, why does it still bother me so much? Because of how much you gave up. Because of how it was done.