Have you ever apologized for something only because you expected the other person to say you didn’t need to apologize?
Yeah, it backfired on me. I’ve been struggling a lot lately at work. My health has been a rollercoaster since my car accident in October, my mood has been unpredictable due to the pain I have in my neck, back and reoccurring migraines, and well, my overall patience has disappeared. My life has been nothing but work and wedding planning, while I do enjoy both, can been very draining. There is not a lot of support in my division now that I am the “senior” attorney left due to a recent re-assignment of the former fourth in our division. I am supposed to be the one with everything together, ready to answer questions, always prepared, ready to go and the voice of reason. While I am always ready to go, I am still learning the ropes, and my physical therapy/treatment schedule makes it necessary for me to cut my schedule short two days a week, which I know others may think shows a lack of dedication, but – honestly – if I did not continue my treatment – my mood would be so much worse because my pain level is already just barely managed by these appointmentubls. I take care of my business. My clients are called, cases prepped, offers made. Yes, there is always more I could be doing but I do not believe in wasting time with busy work. I try to work smarter.
I love what I am doing. I love helping people. I get to help others through public defense work AND Beachbody coaching. Neither are going to make me a millionaire. Both have the potential, if I worked either in the right manner… but, honestly, I don’t know if I am willing to give up that much of myself to reach that level. One day, maybe I will be ready to make that commitment. I thought I was now. I thought I would be crazy goal oriented. I thought I wanted to be a politician and run for a state position as soon as I reached 30 years of age… starting my journey to making my name now through the legal community… yet, I’m learning that I do not want to work people. I want to be myself and do not want to sell any image of who people want me to be, other than WHO I AM. And, quite frankly, I am still figuring out who I am.
Right now, I am a dog mom.
A future wife.
A beachbody fitness coach. An aspiring writer.
A Christian. A daughter. A granddaughter. A sister.
An aunt. A niece.
Each day, I am working to improve my ability to serve each role to the best of my ability. Most importantly, I am making it a priority to put God first, my future husband second, and everything else will come after… something I struggle with daily. My selfishness and laziness gets in the way, way too much!