Passion: How do You Find Yours?
Life has been hectic as of late. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what I want out of life and whether I actually know my true passion. It’s a tough question to ask yourself. But it really hit home when FH and I started talking about what would happen when we have children and the possibility of one of us having to stay home arose.
Realistically, we both know that we want to home-school. With the number of stories I hear each day about common core failures, bullying, school shootings, etc… there is no way I want to put my children through that. Not to mention, the impracticality of us paying over $20,000 per year for childcare if I’m barely bringing home double that after-taxes.
Yet, the reality of being hit with being a stay-at-home mom terrified me. Of course, being a stay-at-home mom can be very rewarding! There are hundreds of thousands of women (and men) who do it every day and you get to spend time with your children, share precious moments you would miss otherwise, and participate in shaping their little minds. Nonetheless, I love standing in the courtroom arguing a case before a jury, standing in front of a judge explaining my client’s case, and digging through stacks of paper for one tiny exculpatory piece of evidence to save my case. I have at years to make this decision… at least one year – eighteen months if I got pregnant on my wedding night. So there’s no reason worrying about it now. I am just so focused on finding what I love and trying to find a way to make it work into a part-time position that allowing FH and I to make everything work.
Part of me wants to become a forensic science consultant. Still do trial work part-time… but only on forensic-science heavy cases. In order to build-up my reputation, though, it could take years and a lot of continued education, a lot of trial wins, a lot of BIG, HIGHLY Calculated trial wins. I love being a public defender. I want to continue being one for quite sometime, yet I do not know if I will be able to build enough of a reputation for myself in the legal community to become a consultant in the next ten (10) years if I remain. The only way I can make this work is to continue working diligently for my clients, and in my “off” time, expand on my scientific knowledge as much as humanly possible and start to work on research papers that combine science and legal work and get them published. If I can manage to publish 2-5 papers over the next 10 years, I may be able to accomplish my goal. It would take a lot of work… may be writing one really good book would be easier?
How do you find your passion, though? How do you know if it really is your passion or is just something you are falling into because it seems “convenient”? I love writing… but it’s never panned out. I’ve never stuck with it. Does that mean that my passion isn’t writing? I am fascinated with forensic science and loved the one time I did a consulting job, but I haven’t been able to figure out how to make it work? I have never felt “smart enough” to do it. Does that mean it isn’t my passion?
What do you think? What’s your passion? How did you know? Or, do you ever really know?