The Pain is Only Part of the Story
On the way to work today, I was listening to the radio and my right side had a sudden twinge of pain. It was nothing too severe, as I had taken medicine before I left for work, but it was enough to break my last ounce of reserved strength. I cried. I cried because I am exhausted. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally.
I have been binge reading other blogs on chronic pain and endometriosis since my hospital visit on Friday, and receiving the news that my chronic pain may simply be the resurgence of my endometriosis. “Simply” being such a strange word to use. It is anything but simple.
Yes, I also knew that when I had abdominal pain it was most likely my endometriosis, but I thought it was mostly under control. I had surgery, went on lupron depot shots for six months (chemotherapy that puts women into a chemical induced temporary menopause), and have been on birth control for twelve years – since the MOMENT this all started! I did exactly what I was supposed to do. The endometrial tissue should NOT have regrown, right? Apparently, wrong.
We were married in September and have been discussing our plans to try to conceive starting in the next few months. Now, I know I am worrying about nothing and need to place my faith and trust in God I am working on this, I swear, but I thought that my concerns of infertility were a thing of the past, for the most part. Today, though, the reality that I may be faced with all of this again was just too much.
Am I ready to go through all of this again? The surgery kicked my butt last time. Yet, I want it to avoid any more needless testing, when I feel in my gut that it is all going to lead to the same diagnosis. Some of the testing is so invasive! Have you ever had a transvaginal ultrasound? The tech really should have bought me dinner first!
Now, tomorrow, I am going to an gastroenterologist on the recommendation of my gynecologist to rule out gastrointestinal causes for my pain. Has anyone else felt like you have to scream at the doctor “HELLO, IT IS ENDOMETRIOSIS. PLEASE CUT ME OPEN AND LASER IT AWAY.”
I had no idea it would be so difficult to get a doctor to cut me open! What scares me is that this is only part one of my messed up medical history…
I had to cancel my appointment with the endocrinologist this week for my six-month checkup for my macroadenoma on my pituitary, which will likely require surgery in the near future. I have put off seeking a recommendation to a neurologist for my random extremity pains in my arms and legs (chronic pain), my tremors, and leg twitches.
Just another few hours of leave I will lose to try to figure out what is wrong with my body instead of enjoying a honeymoon with my gorgeous husband… Colorado mountains, wait for us!