Another Day: The Continued Journey to Diagnosis
Another day without answers. The doctor today was blunt. He walked in, asked what seemed to be the bother and then told me what was wrong with gynecologists:
They do not like to do surgeries, so they send you to us so they can try to blame me.
– Unnamed Physician, M.D.
I told him I was certain my pain was endometriosis and that I wanted a laparoscopy to confirm. He said he would order two tests that my doctor, who is apparently his friend and patient, would require to come back negative to then allow me to get the laparoscopy. So, I have two more tests to schedule before I go back to the gynecologist to move forward with seeing if I can schedule this surgery. I just want relief.
The pain today was excruciating. I did not want to get out of bed. I did not want to go to work. The idea of taking a leave crossed my mind. Until I realized that there’s no way to take a leave from the rest of you life. Why isn’t mental health leave a thing? I need a day or week to get my mental health in order, okay?
My fatigue is getting worse. I do not think i am sleeping. My dreams are all over the place when I do. My emotions are a roller coaster. I’m literally a roller coaster of emotions. How can the doc not believe me? How can he not know that I know there is something SERIOUSLY WRONG with my body?
As I am exploring the chronic pain and endometriosis community, I am learning that I am not alone, and my story is not unique. This realization does not make me comforted. It terrifies me. It saddens me. It angers me. Why is there not research being done to find relief… a cure? If there is research being done, why is it not publicized? Why is there not more awareness for this disease? Is there a reason why more people do not know what endometriosis is? What about chronic pain? Not everyone is making it up… Not everyone is trying to get a check … Not everyone is gaming the system.
There is a real problem here. People need to be made aware of endometriosis. Somehow, someway, I am going to do my part to make sure it happens.