Clearing Out My Closet for a Fresh Start
Already three days into 2017 and I have not done a resolutions post yet? I do not know if I am going to do one this year, honestly. My resolutions do not change from year to year: be healthier, be kinder, pay down debt, appreciate loved ones more. The same year after year with the end goal always being to improve on the year prior. If I set anything too hard lined, I know that the goals will go out the window by February 1st, as do most other peoples because there is no plan put into place. We haphazardly say “I will do X” and then start doing whatever X is without a clear plan set out, and when you fail to plan… you plan to fail.
The best part of this year is going to be starting it with the surgery I have desperately been awaiting since the start of my pain relapse in November. My doctor’s office finally called on Friday, December 30, and informed me that I will be having my pre-op appointment on January 17, and surgery on January 19, 2017. I could not have been excited – you would have thought I was told I’d won the lottery!
None of you probably know this but my birthday is January 20th. An interesting fact is that I am a twin, also, yet my sister’s birthday is January 21st, and no we are not minutes apart… we were born five hours and seventeen minutes apart! So, my surgery will be an early birthday present… a lot of pain upfront in order to hopefully experience relief from my daily pain in the long run.
LET ME GET SOMETHING OFF MY CHEST — WHY I WRITE ONE L OF A JOURNEY
There was more I wanted to discuss in this post, but I am feeling guarded because of recent events that happened so I think it is necessary to re-explain the WHY behind One L of a Journey.
This is a personal blog that has evolved over its course from a rant page post-job termination to a decompression zone during wedding planning into what I now see as a long-term plan of a safe zone to explain what has been going on with my daily struggles with chronic pain and sharing tips, current research, and interesting information about endometriosis and other chronic pain illnesses to raise awareness about what we (spoonies, endowarriors, etc.) are dealing with on a daily basis.
In essence, this blog is meant to be a safe space for myself and others to share daily struggles, successes, thoughts, rants, opinions, ideas, anything… out into the world. This is not meant to be specifically about any one person (except me), not about my family, not meant to embarrass or shame any person. Yet, if I am not allowed to write what I feel on my site freely without being ridiculed, mocked, and made to feel embarrassed for sharing my thoughts and doing what I love… I lose my ability to work through my pain in the only way that I know how to do at this given moment.
I would never want to take that away from anyone. Please realize that this is how I am working through my daily, excruciating pain. You may not understand the magnitude of what I am dealing with because I put a smile on my face each day or say I am “fine” when asked. Yet, take labor pain or the worst period cramps you ever experienced that caused you to double over continuously, and imagine experiencing that 24/7 since November 2nd. I cannot take percocet or tramadol every single day. I cannot call off work every day as my husband just started working today. I am out of leave time and I have clients who depend on me being available.
I do not wish this disease on anyone and I do not expect sympathy. All I ask for is understanding and some leeway in allowing me to write my posts without judgment if I write something from my perspective that may be different than yours. I do not want to feel I have to censor what I write for fear that someone reading it will take what I say the wrong way. I am who I am, and I write what I write. If I have to over-analyze every single post, I will never write one again… hence, the newfound gaps in my posts.
With that said, I thank each and everyone of you who has supported me along my journey through this period of pain and has stuck by me, and even encouraged my writing (You Know Who You Are). I have really learned who my true family and friends are through this process and could not be happier to face the New Year with each of you!
ONWARD TO A BRIGHTER FUTURE
The New Year always brings optimism with it. Optimism for a fresh start in every aspect of one’s life. My life right now is only beginning. My marriage is still in the first chapter and we’ve already dealt with some pretty heavy things. I am looking forward to some resolution with endometriosis, if not at least a brief reprise from the pain so that we may breath. After this is all dealt with, I have to tackle my pituitary macroadenoma that will need to be removed next. One thing at a time, though. I have been blessed with a patient, kind-hearted husband who has stood by my side through every aspect of my health issues and encouraged me to strike each one head-on without fear. He is my rock.
In this New Year, I will focus on bettering my health. I need to start a health regime again and focus on an endometriosis-friendly diet. The endo diet was extremely restrictive, but I am confident there is a happy medium that will allow me to accomplish similar results. I want to continue writing and increase the reach and relevance of what I write. My ramblings are great but I will start to have posts centered on specific topics each week, in addition to my ramblings. And, I want to deepen my relationship with God. In the past I have found that when I am right with the big Guy, everything else in my life has a way of falling into place. So, that is where I am going to start!
How are you all doing? Was 2016 a good year?
Are you looking forward to a fresh chapter?
What are you focusing on this year?
Stay Connected to One L of a Journey!
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